Midwestern healthcare behemoth BorgONE has announced a system-wide rebranding effort according to a statement released yesterday.

Over the next six months, all BorgONE facilities will soon be known simply as MEH. We caught up with the VP in charge of the new naming project for comment.

“Well, don’t quote me, but it certainly wasn’t my first choice,” said Paul Trottel, MD, when reached by phone. “My personal favorite was actually MercenaryONE, which I thought perfectly captured the essence of our Mission. The quality of mercenaries and all that, as the old saying goes.”

A quick glance at just one regional hospital’s staff and on-call schedule appeared to bear out Trottel’s original take. More than half the Medical Staff and over eighty-percent of the on-call physicians on any given day were Locum tenens providers, not full-time, locally residing providers. Often denigrated as “Rent-a-Docs” or “Medical Mercenaries,” health policy experts feel the shift away from local doctors who are invested in a hospital and, more importantly, in a community, is more than a bit worrisome.

“Once upon a time we had something called Continuity of Care,” said Andrea Dales, MD, a former Chief of Staff. “I put it that way on purpose because it’s become, quite literally, a fairy tale. These days, patients are often totally bewildered. They cannot answer one very simple question – who is actually responsible for my care?”

BorgONE’s corporate logo color will remain in the same family, but the familiar verdant shade will be replaced by a darker, more muted version offset with grey contrasts. Graphic artists and at least one major U.S. paint manufacturer refer to it as “Dollar Bill Green.” Asked about the switch, Trottel said, “Hey, we’re just trying to be who we are.”

And as for the new acronym, the VP said it was the brainchild of the organization’s CEO. “The boss was a Jazz Composition major in college which, I think, gives him a truly fresh and unique perspective on how to deliver medical care to a large and diverse population. Make sure you print that. It’s actually quite brilliant in its simplicity:  ‘Medicine Equals Health.’ MEH. Sort of says it all about the kind of care we provide, doesn’t it?”

The cost of the rebranding effort is projected to run into the hundreds of millions of dollars. Queried as to whether these funds could be better used to recruit permanent, dedicated physicians and staff and to improve facilities and equipment, Trottel was quick to respond:

“Clearly you don’t understand what’s really important modern healthcare.”

Ed. Note: When contacted for clarification for this article, Trottel’s administrative representative stated he was involved in a “realignment of non-patient-facing resources” and from now on would be “working from home.”